To Live Is To Die
by Gasoline Diamond
Summary: This the book I'm writing, haven't come up with a summary yet, hope to get this published, enjoy...R&R...?...Please?...I would also like A LOT of feedback since I would like to get it published.
1. Author's Note

_**I know I said I wouldn't update/add any stories, BUUUUT! I figured you guys might want to read what I have for my book? Truth is, I don't believe it'll get published, so if you're curious…here ya go!**_


	2. Prologue

**PROLOGUE**

I stumble back, looking down at the windy air, the ground with the miniscule cars and people dancing around it. The stop signs, glinting red, like blood in the sun. The small area of trees, and a playground with swings next to it, where kids play. My eyes sweep over the smaller buildings, until I finally notice mine. I close my eyes, thinking of something better, better than my personal hell, better than where I was beaten and abused, better than _life_. I smile wide, the corners of my mouth twitching painfully, remembering why I'm here. _An escape._ I open my eyes again, only to be faced with several people, both women and men, looking up at me. "Someone call nine-one-one!" Someone yelled, but I didn't pay attention. I only kept my focus on the concrete beneath them, the concrete in which will be covered in my sickly beautifully red, blood.

Soon enough, due to the screaming for the cops, the police did start pushing through the crowd of people.

"Move aside, we'll handle it." A male officer said to the infestation of people. _Selfish bastard._ I thought bitterly. A simple reason behind the internal lash-out really: He's trying to save a young adults life. But what if I don't want to be saved? What if he was in my shoes? What if he felt my pain, and saw my fears? What if he had it as bad as me? He wouldn't be trying to ruin my chance of escape! No, he would understand. He would no exactly _why_. But that's just it, isn't it? No one ever understands! No one knows fucking _why_!

"Sir?" Another voice called up, female this time. "Sir? We need you to talk to us!" I shook my head, though probably no one saw it. _I'm coming down, now. You don't have to ask, I'll come down, but on my terms._ I thought.

Time seemed to stop. I closed my eyes again, listening, not seeing. I tuned my ears into the world. The gasps of citizens along the street, the soft whispers of the wind, the breaths emerging from my lips slowly, the soft hum of still running motors from people who had stopped to watch me.

I carefully moved my foot over the edge, becoming unbalanced and wobbled. I quickly slid back, suddenly afraid of my decision. _Is the right choice?_ But I knew the answer. _Yes_. But I couldn't. I opened my eyes again, a tear sliding down my cheek. Gently caressing my tan skin. And I was scared, terrified of the beautiful, bloody arms of my savior. I looked at all the people.

Something came to my brain, a realization. I was the center of attention, _me_. These people were watching me, waiting for my next move. I was on everybody's minds right now, whether they knew me or not, and that scared me shitless. _I_ was going to be on the news tomorrow, _I_ was going to be known as "the angst-y teen, who _thought_ he had problems", as my parents pretended to grieve and weep over me in the public of company, but sharing Champaign when they were alone.

"I'm leaving now." I whispered to the wind. Maybe it would carry the message to my parents, and my sister. Not that my parents would care. My sister on the other hand… My heart sunk. _Jane._ I thought, sadly. Janey would miss me, and I would hurt her.

I shook my head, dismissing all thoughts of backing out and being afraid. _I'm doing this!_ I took a deep breath, more tears stinging my eyes. _Could I?_ I wasn't sure. _Should I?_ That I was sure of… _Definitely. _I had been planning this, but actually doing it, seemed different, like a dream gone all wrong. _See you in Hell._ Isn't that where bad people go when they die? No, I know better. Heaven, Hell, Limbo, Judgment Day, God, Lucifer, it's all bullshit. I stopped believing in God a long time ago.

I took a slow small step towards the edge of the ledge I was on. "Goodbye, and goodnight!" I screamed down, my famous last words. I took a deep breath. _Now or never._ I took one more step, and I was falling, the people below completely forgotten. The wind rushed in my ears, the ground becoming closer and closer.

Then, it seemed time had stopped, or maybe even life itself. I gaped around me, everything was still, nothing moved, including me, hanging loosely in the air. The wind had stopped rushing to my ears, and I was motionless, arms sprawled out like a bird.

Suddenly, I felt a sharp pang in my neck, causing me to scream, but no sound came out. I had no mouth, no voice, but I was screaming. The pang turned into a raging fire, erupting down from my neck, spreading through my body. Time went on again, and before I knew it, I had hit the ground.

I was on fire, burning, screaming, but no sound would escape my cracked lips. I felt my legs and arms shatter on impact, but I barely noticed, the fire in my veins to great. I moved my eyes, looking around me. I could _see_ people screaming, but I couldn't_ hear_ anything. Then everything, colors, blacks, and whites, started mixing into one, causing it to all run into a never ending river, turning into a disgusting brown, and transforming into a deadly black. It engulfed me, consumed me, carrying me away to a place I've always dreamed of. Death…right?


	3. Another Author's Note

I _**SWEAR**_ I will post the first chapter _**soon**_, but I've lost my pendrive, and it takes awhile, BUT I WILL POST IT, I PROMISE!


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